200+ Funny Retirement Messages, Wishes and Quotes

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Funny Retirement Messages: Retirement is the time for relaxation, but leaving your favorite workplace and going through daily routine changes can be frightening.

While retiring, people are sure to feel nostalgic. Due to the lack of motivation, they often feel low-spirited too.

Do you know someone who has just retired and wants to lighten their mood with funny retirement wishes? There is no better way to do that than sending the person some funny retirement messages.

Below, find some funny retirement quotes and messages to wish the retiree a happy and fun-filled retired life.

Funny Retirement Messages

Congrats on reaching the finish line! Now the real race begins: the quest for the perfect nap.

Welcome to the world of weekday pajamas and questionable daytime TV.

Now that you’re retired, it’s time to achieve your lifelong dream: doing nothing without being judged!

Retirement: Where every day feels like a Saturday, but Monday never comes!

You’re not retiring from work, you’re just graduating to the masterclass of ‘professional relaxation’.

Retirement: The time in your life when “early bird special” no longer means an employer discount.

I always knew you had a lazy side! Finally, you can show it off in all its glory.

Retired? Now you have twice the time, and half the energy. Enjoy!

You’ve clocked out for the last time, and now it’s time to put up your feet. Just remember, no more sick days – every day’s a vacation!

Now that you’re retired, you can do all the things you’ve always wanted to do… like taking that midday nap you’ve always denied yourself.

So, you think retirement will make you feel young again? Wait till you see your new bedtime!

Retirement is like a never-ending coffee break without the annoying part of going back to work.

Time to enjoy the three Rs of retirement: Rest, Relaxation, and… Re-runs of old TV shows!

Heard you’ve retired! Now, if you could just tell us the secret to escaping the real world…

Retirement: Because you’ve done your time in the 9-to-5 prison!

Hope your retirement is filled with an endless supply of two things: coffee and wine!

Retired? Enjoy the newfound freedom… but don’t forget to wear pants when you leave the house!

Congrats on being your own new boss! Your first assignment? A long, uninterrupted nap.

Welcome to retirement! It’s like your teenage years, but with money and less hair.

Congratulations for your retirement. Now you will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your time and it’s called – Doing Nothing.

All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.

All these years you argued with your colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you will argue with your grandkids, children and wife at home. Life remains the same.

As I see it you have been practicing how to retire and now the real thing is here. You are so good at it that there should be no problem taking up your new role. Have a happy retirement.

Happy retirement and my advice is that you do not try to say that you are coming back because you will be surprised at people’s reactions. No one will give back your office nor your parking space. No one misses you that much.

Funny Retirement Wishes

Before you’d have to wait for holidays, now the rest of your life is one! Do enjoy it.

Retirement is like graduation- only this time, you will do a master on laziness!

Welcome to retirement – where every day is the weekend!

Congratulations! Now you can work hard on deciding which hobby to neglect first.

The office plants will surely miss being watered by you. Enjoy sunning yourself instead!

You’ve retired from work, not from getting all the gossip. Do keep us updated!

Retirement: when sleeping in until noon is the new early bird!

Goodbye tension, hello pension!

The bad news: You can’t use “work” as an excuse anymore. The good news: You don’t have to!

I’ve heard retirement is a full-time job. Good luck managing that workload!

Retiring means no alarm clocks – except for those from your bladder!

Retirement: where you exchange the corporate suit for the bathing suit!

Congratulations on reaching the point where work is optional but napping is mandatory!

You’ve been promoted to the role of Chief Executive of Leisure Activities!

Now that you’re retired, I’m looking forward to seeing your new job title: “Professional Lounger”.

Retirement: The only time in your life when it’s okay to spend a weekday doing absolutely nothing.

Retired? Congratulations on achieving “young at heart” but slightly older everywhere else status!

You’re retiring from the job, not from being awesome. Keep that in mind!

Say goodbye to meetings and hello to meeting your own whims and desires!

Just think, your retirement plan is now waking up whenever you want!

Retirement – because you’ve been adulting long enough.

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At last, you get to graduate from the daily grind to grinding your own coffee beans every morning!

For someone who looks forward to lying around all day, retirement must be thrilling! Have fun.

Now you’re rich and fat, what can be a perfect time for retiring? You’ve chosen the right path!

Now you get a new boss who knows about your true work ethic, organizational skills, and excuses. Spouses make the toughest bosses. Good luck!

Funny Retirement Messages For Colleague

So you’re finally making your “temporary vacation” from work permanent? It’s about time!

I always wondered how the office would be without you. Quieter, for sure!

We’ve all decided that without you, we’re splitting your coffee breaks between us. It’s the least we could do.

Heard you’re retiring. Don’t worry, we’ll keep your chair warm… by giving it to someone else.

I guess without you, we’ll need a new office gossip expert. Know anyone?

Retirement: Where every day is Casual Friday.

You’ve been talking about retirement since you started here. Glad to see you finally made your dream come true!

You retiring is basically a public service. We can’t thank you enough!

If retirement were a movie, I’m pretty sure you’d be the main character. Break a leg!

You’re officially retired when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Enjoy!

With you retiring, think of all the printer ink and coffee we’ll save!

Don’t be surprised if we call you to come back. Not for work, just to fix the printer!

Heard you’re leaving us to become a full-time expert on relaxation. Any intern positions available?

So, you’re retiring? Now you’ll have the time to do all the things you claimed the dog ate your homework for.

Congratulations on finally becoming the boss… of your own time!

With all this free time on your hands, we expect at least one novel and a rock album by the end of the year.

Here’s to hoping your retirement is as long-lasting as our office gossip sessions!

Now that you’re retired, you can join the elite club of professional pajama wearers.

Cheers to you for trading in the office keyboard for a remote control!

So, you’re off to greener pastures? Let’s hope it’s not because you’re going to mow them!

When people say that this place will not be the same without you, they actually mean that it will be less annoying.

You’re retiring now? I thought you did it the day you joined here. I mean, when did you ever work?

Your wish has come true! You can now sit around your couch all day instead of sitting around in your office chair.

If this workplace were a hell, which it is, you’d be one of the greatest devils of it, and you’ll be missed.

People who call sloths the laziest animals surely have never met you. You were born to retire, buddy.

Don’t let everyone’s loving words fool you; I’m the only one in the office who is going to miss you.

Congratulations on availing of the longest vacation of your life! Enjoy your infinite free time and do not tell us how much fun you are having.

Funny Retirement Farewell Messages For Coworkers

You know you’re getting old when retirement sounds like a fun idea!

If you get bored, we’ll still be here – just with younger wrinkles.

Retirement: Where every day is a weekend and every meal is brunch.

You’re retiring? Well, you’ve always been good at nothing!

We’ve counted and re-counted, and we’re sure: the office plants will miss you the most.

Enjoy your endless weekend! But who’s counting?

They say retirement is the golden years. Are you feeling shiny yet?

Remember when you thought retirement was a distant dream? Wake up, you’re there!

I always thought ‘retired’ was a brand of coffee. Enjoy your brew!

Congratulations on becoming the official chair tester at home!

I guess you’ve finally been promoted to Master of Napping.

You’re finally free! Or as I like to think of it, unemployed.

You’re on to a place with no emails and no meetings. Jealous much?

From 9 to 5 to 24/7 leisure time. Lucky you!

We’ve had ‘Bring your pet to work’ day, but ‘Bring a retiree to work’? Not so popular.

Wishing you all the joy of watching daytime TV without feeling guilty!

So, you’ve decided to upgrade from ‘Employed’ to ‘Vacation Mode Forever’. Wise choice.

Can I come over and watch you practice doing nothing?

Don’t worry. We’ll keep your chair warm in case retirement isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

The only project you have now is a 1,000-piece puzzle. Enjoy

Ah retirement, the days of daydreaming and sleeping till noon, all the things you’re good at!

We’re not going to miss you at all! Meetings are fun, office work is brilliant. P.s. Please get us out of here!

I’m jealous that every day of the week will be the weekend for you. Have a good life ahead!

Congratulations on leaving the job and not getting fired after missing so many deadlines!

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I used to be excited about retirement until I saw you. God forbid that I become as grumpy as you!

This is the only time when everyone at the office will be looking up to you. Who doesn’t want to get out of this place!

Funny Retirement Messages For Boss

Now that you’re retired, can I have your office chair?

Who will I pretend to be working hard for now that you’re retiring?

Boss, now that you’re leaving, the coffee break will just feel like… well, a break!

Congrats on finally achieving the dream job – being unemployed!

You’re retiring? Well, I guess the office plants stand a better chance of survival now!

I always thought ‘retirement’ was a code for ‘now I get to tell people what I really think.’ Best wishes!

Good luck learning the art of doing nothing!

Don’t worry, we’ll keep the office standing… but it might tilt a bit without you!

Who am I going to blame for all the office mischief now?

Goodbye tension, hello pension!

Remember when you said you can’t wait for the weekends? Well, now every day is a weekend for you!

I’m still trying to figure out if your retirement is a gift to you or a gift to us. Either way, congrats!

Now that you’re retired, you can do all the things you’ve always wanted to – as long as they’re nap-related.

I’m putting in a formal request for you to come back every Monday to remind me why I look forward to retirement!

Congratulations! You’re now officially the boss of your own house!

The biggest takeaway from your retirement? How to exit in style!

Do send us postcards from your rocking chair!

I bet the Wi-Fi signal is stronger at your retirement villa!

They say the first rule of retirement is to never pick up a call from work. Don’t worry, I’ve got your back!

Boss, if retirement gets too boring, remember we’re just a prank call away!

Who said bosses have to be scary? Seeing you, I’ve come to believe that bosses are not only scary but also frightful!

Your retirement hurts me; not because you’re leaving, but because of the worry that what if the next boss also happens to be like you?

I’ve always been more excited about your retirement than my own, and you can obviously guess why!

We will miss you, boss, other than your screaming, glowering, and pretty much showing up at the office.

You’re done bossing us, now you can do it around your grandkids and pets; because bossing is in your blood.

We know you are going to miss bossing us around. Don’t forget to drop by and scold our new boss!

We will definitely miss your shouting and the classic boss jokes. But we are happy knowing that your family will be getting those now!

Funny Retirement Messages For Husband

Now that you’re retired, can we finally agree on the TV remote’s rightful owner?

Congratulations! You’re now the CEO of the ‘Honey-Do’ list!

So, you thought retirement means relaxing all day? Have you seen the chores list yet?

Welcome to the longest coffee break of your life!

Dear husband, now that you’re retired, you can finally fix that leaky faucet… tomorrow… or the next day.

The bad news: no more sick days. The good news: every day is a weekend!

Happy Retirement! Let’s start with that extended vacation… to the backyard.

Now, every day is ‘bring your wife to work day’ if your job is yard work!

You might be retired from work, but you’re not retired from taking out the trash!

Brace yourself! The real full-time job begins – being my personal chef.

Congrats on retiring from your 9-to-5, and welcome to the 24/7 wife management program!

You know you’re retired when ‘getting dressed up’ means wearing matching socks.

Welcome to endless Netflix marathons and me as your permanent couch buddy!

Your new office hours: whenever you wake up to whenever you feel like taking a nap!

They say marriage is all about teamwork. So, now that you’re retired, I’ve split the house chores 50/50. I’ll supervise, and you handle the rest!

Now that you’re retired, we can finally spend quality time… organizing the garage together!

I promise to limit my ‘I told you so’s when you say you miss work!

Congratulations on reaching the ‘endless weekend’ phase of your life!

Let the adventures begin… right after your afternoon nap.

Happy retirement! Remember, in this new job, the wife is always right.

Dear husband, congratulations on your newfound freedom! keep calm and have fun.

Happy retirement, love. And if you ever miss your workplace, I can be your boss for free!

Now that you’re done with your other job, you can go back to your main job- annoying me 24/7.

Finally, you’ve retired, and you cannot give the excuse of work anymore. Marriage is going to be great again!

Thank God, now I have a new 24/7 assistant at my home! Happy retirement to my lifelong helper.

Happy retirement hubby. I’m happier about your retirement than you. At least you have no excuse to make time for me.

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Funny Retirement Messages For Friend

So you’ve officially retired… or as I like to call it, ‘upgraded to the VIP lounge of life’!

You know you’re retired when ‘sleeping in’ means waking up at 8 am.

Congrats! Now, every hour is a happy hour!

Welcome to the no-alarm-clock zone! Enjoy it before the early bird specials lure you out!

Retirement: when every day feels like Saturday but you still forget what day it is!

You’ve finally reached the age where ‘getting lucky’ means finding your car in the parking lot!

Remember when we used to dream about not working? You’re living the dream now… minus the yacht and beach mansion!

You’re not old, you’re vintage! Welcome to the prime time of life!

Retirement: where you exchange your coworkers for a pet and find out the pet’s more work!

Congratulations on unlocking the achievement of endless vacations!

Now that you’re retired, please stay busy… so you don’t end up calling me every hour!

Get ready for your new 9-to-5: trying to remember where you left your glasses!

So, when’s the ‘retired and fabulous’ party? I’ll bring the wrinkle cream!

Retirement: The time in your life when you finally have time, but wonder where it all goes!

So you’ve decided to work full-time on your golf swing? Congrats!

Welcome to the club where the biggest decision of the day is tea or coffee!

Retirement is when life gives you the grand opportunity to count your blessings… and your grey hairs!

Retirement goal: To do absolutely nothing and to start after lunch!

Now you have the time to perfect your ‘yelling at kids to get off your lawn’ voice!

Congratulations! You’re officially too cool for work.

I know a lazy guy like you deserves an early retirement! Congrats on your well-deserved leisure.

Welcome to the old man club. It’s time to gossip about joint pain, high bp, sugar level, Et cetera Et cetera.

Won’t your colleagues be jealous? Now that you will be spending so much time with your friends!

Finally, the day has come! Now you cannot give work excuses anymore to skip out on our plans.

How does it feel when every day is the weekend and every night is Friday night? Don’t you say it’s fun!

Funny Retirement Quotes

“When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.” – Gail Sheehy

“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” – Jonathan Clements

“Retired people compliment my teeth, then tell me to take care of them. This always makes me think they are trying to steal them.” – Emily Claire Tamblyn

“What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.” – Unknown

“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” – R C Sherriff

“Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.” – Author Unknown

“People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways. I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen so that I can see myself at half price.” – George Burns

“The concept of freedom is never truly realized until one settles into retirement mode.” – A. Major

“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” – Gene Perret

“Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, ‘Hi, honey, I’m home — forever.’” – Gene Perret

“We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work – and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock.” – Dave Allen

“When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” – Gene Perret

“A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement as its recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service.” – Harry Mahtar

“First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.” – Branch Rickey

“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous, When I was sixty-five – I still had pimples.” – George Burns

“Retirement, we understand, is great if you are busy, rich and healthy. But then, under those conditions, work is great too.” – Bill Vaughan

“I’ve been attending lots of seminars since my retirement. They’re called naps.” – Harry Emerson Fosdick

“I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, My alarm clock, and my iron.” – Hartman Jule

“Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and how you want to do it.” – Catherine Pulsifer