Funny 50th Birthday Wishes, Messages and Quotes

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Funny 50th Birthday Wishes: Sending funny birthday wishes to your dear ones is one of the most effective ways to bring a smile to their faces on their birthdays. But being funny in cards or text messages is not so easy.

You have to find the right words and know how to use them in funny 50th birthday card messages. Here are some funny and hilarious 50th birthday wishes for someone celebrating his/her 50th birthday.

Pick the one that suits your taste and send it right away to make a difference, to make your birthday wish stand out among so many of them.

Funny 50th Birthday Wishes

Happy 50th birthday! You’re aging like wine. Congratulations!

Happy 50th! At this age, the only running you should be doing is to the bathroom!

Congratulations on hitting the half-century mark. You’re now vintage!

You’re 50? Better get those candles fast, or we’ll need a bigger cake!

Turning 50 means you’re perfect for antique roadshows. Vintage value!

You know you’re 50 when your back goes out more than you do.

Fifty is the youth of old age. So, you’re basically a baby senior. Congrats!

It took 50 years to look this fabulous. And maybe a little hair dye!

Happy 50th! Remember, age is just a number… a really BIG number in your case.

Welcome to the “I need to sit down for a minute” stage of life. Happy 50th!

Fifty and still kicking – albeit a little slower!

Congrats on being 50! You’re halfway to a telegram from the Queen.

At 50, you’re not over the hill yet. But you can definitely see the top from here!

Time to start checking the mailbox for those senior discounts. Happy 50th!

Fifty shades of gray? More like fifty shades of “Where did I put my glasses?”

On the bright side, at 50, you’re not gaining weight. You’re just retaining awesomeness!

It’s not your 50th birthday we’re celebrating. It’s the second 25th!

The first 50 years of childhood are always the hardest. Cheers to adulting from now on!

Remember, 50 is just the number of years you’ve been awesome. Keep it up!

At 50, if you can’t remember where you left your keys, it’s under your “just-for-men” hair dye!

Congratulations on being 50 years young and still acting like you’re 25!

The older you get, the brighter your cake becomes. See? It’s all filled with burning candles. Have fun blowing!

Every single birthday of yours is a reminder for me that I’m not the oldest person here! Happy 50th, cheers!

Don’t worry about getting older. You can still go for facelifts to wipe out the wrinkles. Happy birthday!

Your 40’s are behind you now, so you should have your midlife crisis out of your system. Be proud! You wear it well!

Funny 50th Birthday Messages

Happy 50th! At this point, your body is like a software update. Some things stop working, but hey, there are new features!

You know you’re 50 when the candles cost more than the cake. Cheers to half a century!

50 is the age when a man becomes his own father. Hope you’re ready for dad jokes 2.0!

Congratulations on the 5th anniversary of your 45th birthday! Here’s to many more… reruns.

Turning 50 is like turning 18 in Celsius. Stay cool and happy birthday!

Happy 50th! You’ve been around for five decades. That’s almost half a century… wait.

Remember, at 50, you’re not old – you’re just a classic!

Welcome to the club of the 50s! Spoiler alert: Naps are mandatory.

Happy 50th! May your day be filled with low-fiber foods and high-fun activities.

Just a heads up: Once you turn 50, a 4 a.m. bathroom trip is considered an early start!

At 50, you’re seasoned, sophisticated, and… slightly senile. But we love you for it! Happy birthday.

Remember, 50 is just a number. A number that screams, “Time for that colonoscopy!”

You know you’re 50 when “pulling an all-nighter” means you didn’t have to get up to pee.

Fifty years old and still rocking… in a chair, mostly. But still rocking!

Happy 50th! Here’s to new adventures, like discovering a new wrinkle every morning.

Let’s not light all your birthday candles this year. We don’t want to set off the fire alarm!

Fifty years of gathering knowledge and wisdom. And then forgetting where you put your keys.

Happy 50th! You’ve now reached the age where your back goes out more than you do.

50: Where your dreams meet your new bedtime of 8:30 p.m.

Turning 50? Perfect time to start lying about your age. Your secret’s safe with us!

Don’t ever bother spending money on anti-aging creams or face-lifting lotions. At 50, there is no turning back even with a secret potion. Happy birthday old-timer.

As you turn 50 you can age as gracefully as you like – flaunt your grays and wrinkles or use modern technology to hide them. Whichever path you choose, it only happens once so do it well and have a wonderful birthday!

Funny 50th Birthday Quotes

Celebrating 50 is like throwing a party when your odometer reaches 150,000 miles. – Melanie White

By fifty, you’ve figured out that time is a great healer and a not-so-hot beautician.

Turning 50 means it’s only a matter of time before you’re regaling your grandkids with tales of your first colonoscopy. – Greg Tamblyn

50 years old means no more wearing speedos on the beach. This is a rule. – Greg Tamblyn

Fifty is a powerful age for women. You can set off sprinkler systems with your hot flashes.

When I was young, people used to say to me: Wait until you’re fifty, you’ll see. Well, I’m fifty. I haven’t seen anything. – Eric Satie

Fifty is a weird age. I can clearly remember my childhood, but I can’t remember where I put my keys. – Melanie White

I’m aiming by the time I’m fifty to stop being an adolescent. – Wendy Cope

At 50, you’ve entered the stone age: gall, kidney, and bladder.

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. – Phyllis Diller

Who said there were no such things as miracles? You made it to 50, didn’t you? – Melanie White

The face you have at age twenty-five is the face God gave you, but the face you have after fifty is the face you earned. – Cindy Crawford

50th Funny Birthday Wishes for Him

Thanks for reminding me that I’m not as old as you. Happy 50th birthday!

Happy 50th! Remember, you’re not half a century old; you’re 18 with 32 years of experience.

Fifty years and still looking… well, at least you’re looking!

Congrats on 50! Now, when you act like a teenager, everyone will just say you’re having a mid-life crisis.

Happy 50th, buddy! Remember when we thought people in their 50s were old? Yeah, we were wrong… right?

Aging is like underwear; it creeps up on you. Welcome to the five-decade club!

You’ve reached the age when “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking lot. Happy 50th!

Fifty candles on your cake? Maybe we should call the fire department just in case. Happy birthday!

At 50, you’ve been around the block a few times… or maybe a few thousand times. Either way, happy birthday!

Look on the bright side of turning 50: you’re now old enough to know better but still young enough to do it anyway!

Hey! The silver in your hair only adds to your charm. Silver fox alert! Happy 50th.

Turning 50? Time to start yelling at kids to get off your lawn.

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You know you’re 50 when “Netflix and chill” actually means watching Netflix and chilling. Happy birthday!

Happy 50th! You’re now officially too old to drop it low but still young enough to raise the roof!

You’ve reached the age where “on fleek” sounds more like a back problem. Wishing you a pain-free 50th!

I remember when you had dark hair. And I also remember dinosaurs. Coincidence? Happy 50th!

Happy 50th! Let’s raise a glass to the age when you can finally say “I’ve been there, done that” and mean almost everywhere and everything.

Half a century looks good on you… with a little help from some “Just For Men”!

The 50-year mark: where your age starts showing around your middle. Happy birthday, old-timer!

Fifty years young and still a wild one at heart! Well… until about 9 p.m.

Welcome to your 50s! Where every compliment has an underlying insult. Looking good… for your age!

You’ve been in your thirties for so many years. I’m quite unsure about your age this year. Maybe it’s the fifty. Happy birthday anyway!

I believe you’re here since the dawn of time. Dinosaurs have gone extinct, but you are still here. Congratulations to you and happy 50th birthday, of course!

A man never gets older, he can only get wiser. Remember this quote forever, and you’ll never feel sad. Happy birthday!

50th Funny Birthday Wishes For Her

I’m good with numbers, and your age always fascinates me. I believe you’ve been here since the beginning of this universe!

50 shades of grey? More like 50 shades of “don’t worry, it’s just a new hair highlight!” Happy birthday!

Happy 50th! Your secret’s safe with me. I won’t tell a soul you’ve been 29 for 21 years now.

At 50, you’re not over the hill. You’re just too fabulous to climb it. Happy birthday, diva!

Turning 50? You know what that means… Time to start lying about your age by only a decade instead of just years!

Half a century never looked so fabulous! (Thank goodness for beauty filters. Just kidding!)

Remember when 50 seemed ancient? Now it just seems like you! Have a fabulous birthday.

Happy 50th! You’re not old; you’re just vintage and everyone knows vintage is priceless.

You’re 50 and still got it… although “it” might be a bit lower now. Just kidding! Happy birthday.

Fifty candles? We might need a bigger cake. After all, it has to match the size of your amazing heart!

You’ve hit the big 5-0! Now every time you bend down, you’ll wonder if it’s essential to get back up. But don’t worry, we’re here to help you!

Don’t fret about turning 50. They say it’s the new 40, and we all know you’re still rocking it!

Age is just a number, and girl, you make 50 look good! (Even if you do need reading glasses to see it.)

Five decades of fabulous! Although, I’m still trying to figure out how you’ve only been 30 for 20 years now.

They say wine gets better with age. You must be getting close to perfection now! Happy 50th!

Remember when we were younger and thought 50 was ancient? Look at us being wrong together! Happy birthday.

Happy 50th to the woman who’s been setting the gold standard for 50 years!

Sure, you’re 50. But with the stamina of a 30-year-old and the wisdom of an 80-year-old, you’re basically timeless!

You’re not 50. You’re 21 with 29 years of incredible experience, wisdom, and fabulousness.

Age is just a number, but 50 is a special one! Celebrate being a half-century fabulous.

Welcome to the 50 and fabulous club! Here’s to being more incredible than ever.

Today you have achieved a milestone. A 50-year older woman’s 50th birthday to my favorite old and not so wise lady!

Growing older and growing wiser are two different cases. And I don’t blame you for that. Happy birthday my sweetheart!

I hope to celebrate your 50th birthday for many more years to come. Here’s a happy birthday from me for year one!

I always get my inspiration from you. You’re such a strong and courageous woman. I don’t think anyone else survived the dinosaurs except you!

50th Funny Birthday Wishes For Mom

Happy 50th, Mom! Remember, you’re not getting older… just more distinguished. And a tad more forgetful.

Mom, half a century of being fabulous? You make it look easy. Here’s to 50 more… because why not?

Happy 50th! Remember when you told me age was just a number? Well, your number’s pretty big now!

Cheers to the woman who’s been dealing with me for all these years and only turned 50. Miracles do happen!

I’ve been trying to count your age in dog years to make it sound less, but it didn’t help. Happy 50th!

Happy 50th, Mom! Age is merely the number of years the world has enjoyed you… and boy, has it been a ride!

For your birthday, I got you a calendar to track your next 50 years. Let’s get planning!

You’ve been alive for half a century and still put up with us? You deserve a medal. And cake. Lots of cake.

Mom, you’ve been turning 30 for so many years now. I’m starting to wonder if you’re a time traveler. Happy “50th”!

Happy 50th! Welcome to the age where you can’t trust your own farts.

They say age is just a state of mind. In that case, you’re one of the youngest 50-year-olds I know! Keep rocking it, Mom.

Turning 50? It’s the age where you can still do everything you used to… just a little slower and with more caution.

Happy 50th, Mom! Now’s the perfect time to start behaving like the teenager you never were.

You’re not 50, Mom. You’re 18 with 32 years of wisdom, beauty, and unmatched cooking skills.

Half a century and you still look like my young mom who chases me around for not cleaning my room. Some things never change!

Congratulations, Mom, on the 30th anniversary of your 20th birthday!

Here’s to celebrating the 20th anniversary of your 30th birthday, Mom!

Happy 50th, Mom! Just remember: if you haven’t grown up by 50, you don’t have to!

50 is the only age that you’re feeling the youth of old age and the old age of youth. Embrace it, Mom!

The world’s been a brighter place for 50 years because of you. But seriously, let’s not light all the candles. We don’t want to cause a fire hazard.

For me, your birthday is like a national holiday. Whatever I do and wherever I maybe, I’ll always find ways to wish you a happy birthday!

Happy 50th birthday, mom! You tolerated me for many years. Now, it is time to tolerate your grandchildren soon! ????

Don’t ever let dad say you are getting old. You’re still as youthful and gorgeous as you were in your thirties. Happy 50th birthday, mom!

Wishing you a happy and great 50th birthday, mom! Tell dad not to be jealous of unfading beauty and increasing wisdom! Haha!

Dear Mom, I hope you know how hard it is to find you a birthday gift every year because you have too many birthdays! Just kidding. Happy 50th birthday to you!

50th Funny Birthday Wishes For Dad

Happy 50th, Dad! At this age, you’ve officially been upgraded from a classic to a vintage!

Half a century and still trying to master the dad joke? Don’t worry, there’s hope yet. Happy 50th!

So you’re 50 now? Time to start practicing yelling at those kids to get off your lawn.

Happy 50th, Dad! Here’s to another decade of pretending to know how all the new tech works.

Age is just a number… but 50 is a BIG number. You’re doing great, though!

Turning 50 is like software updates. Not everything works as before, but you get new features. Like wisdom!

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Dad, for your birthday, I was going to give you something that goes from 0 to 100 in 5 seconds. But then I thought a scale might not be the best gift.

Happy 50th! Just think, you’re not half a century old, you’re two quarters of a century young!

Remember when 50 seemed old? Just kidding, I don’t. But you might! Happy birthday!

Dad, you’re the kind of 50-year-old who makes the rest of us look forward to it. Or maybe it’s just your bald shine!

Remember, at 50, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” is no longer just a commercial, but a real concern. Stay safe!

Happy 50th! Just a heads up: you might want to check if your back goes out more than you do.

At 50, you’re perfectly aged… to be a bottle of wine. Smooth, refined, and slightly corked!

Welcome to your 50s, where every “new” music sounds like noise and every chair becomes a recliner!

Here’s to 50 years of acquiring wisdom. And bald spots. But mostly wisdom!

Dad, you’re not 50. You’re just a teenager with 33 years of experience and a bit of a limp.

Happy 50th! May your day be filled with lots of joy, laughter, and reminders of how old you are.

On your 50th, let’s celebrate the fact that you’ve survived half a century without being abducted by aliens. They know better!

Welcome to the age where you randomly groan and make dad sounds. Wait, you’ve been doing that for years!

Happy 50th, Dad! Just think of it this way: you’re not old, you’re a classic. And classics never go out of style.

I wonder what your friends would gift you on your birthdays when you were my age? Ancient papyrus greeting cards?

I know it hurts to see people enjoying the fact that you are getting older and greyer. But you are not getting younger anyway. Happy 50th birthday, dad!

Today, so many people will bring gifts for you. But since it’s difficult for you to keep all the gifts, I’m thinking of helping you by keeping them all.

You’ve reached the golden age of 50 and can finally take advantage of all those discounted tickets you’ve been hearing about. Happy 50th anyway papa I still look up to you!

I aim to look just like you when I grow older, only with longer hair. I hope you have a wonderful day celebrating your half-century as a father. You still have a lot of time to mature.

50th Funny Birthday Wishes For Wife

50 years old and you’ve still got it! Though sometimes you can’t remember where you put it. Happy birthday, darling!

Half a century and you’re still my favorite “old” thing. Cheers to the next 50!

Happy 50th! Here’s to you being ageless… while your driver’s license spills the beans.

For your birthday, I got you a calendar from the year you were born. Let’s see what’s changed… besides the fashion!

They say diamonds are a girl’s best friend. At 50, I think comfort shoes are moving up the list. Happy birthday, love!

Age is just a number, but 50 is a big one! Don’t worry, you’re rocking every digit!

You’re 50 and still fabulous! Well, with a few more grays… and maybe a wrinkle or two. But who’s counting?

Turning 50? Now’s the time to start lying about your age by decades, not years!

You’ve been turning 30 for so many years now. I’m starting to wonder if you have a time machine. Happy “50th”!

Remember when we thought 50 was old? Neither do I! Happy birthday, my forever young love.

Happy 50th! Let’s celebrate the first half-century of you confusing me in the most wonderful ways.

Here’s to celebrating 50 years of fabulous you! And here’s to “forgetting” how many candles go on the cake.

50 years of being the queen of this castle. Here’s to many more years of you ruling my heart!

You’ve turned 50, but don’t fret! You only feel as old as the latest selfie filter makes you look.

Another decade older, but still the same amazing woman I fell in love with… just with a few more laugh lines!

Cheers to 50 years of being the perfect blend of sugar, spice, and everything nice!

They say age brings wisdom. At 50, you must be a genius by now! Happy birthday!

Happy 50th to the woman who’s been my better half for years but doesn’t look a day over fabulous!

I wanted to write you a poem for your 50th, but then I remembered words can’t capture how wonderfully confusing and lovely these years with you have been.

For your birthday, I was thinking of a trip down memory lane. But then, half a century is a LONG lane. Let’s just focus on today!

I prayed to God to make you older and wiser. Only the first one came true. Happy birthday my love. Wishing God bless you with the second one as soon as possible.

I know it’s hard to enjoy being old when you are old. But, hey, it’s okay if you ask me. I had just passed the same line a few years ago. Happy 50th birthday!

From now on, you can enjoy all your senior citizen discounts, just like me. Happy 50th birthday and best wishes to you!

Even If your teeth are falling, your toothless smile is still precious to me. Happy Birthday! You’ve reached the point in your life when your creaky joints are louder than your speech.

50th Funny Birthday Wishes For Husband

Today is the day you can pretend to be young even though you’re not. Happy 50th birthday, my love.

Happy 50th! Remember, age is just a number. And in your case, it’s a really, really big one.

Turning 50? You’ve officially reached the age where ‘getting lucky’ means finding your car in the parking lot.

Congrats on hitting the half-century mark! I promise to keep the “old man” jokes to a minimum. Today, anyway.

For your birthday, I thought about giving you something sleek, cool, and easy on the eyes. Then I remembered… you already have me!

Happy 50th to the man who’s been young at heart for all these years. And now, young at knees? Not so much!

They say age is just a number. But 50 is a pretty big number, don’t you think?

Happy 50th, hubby! Let’s throw a party and celebrate the age you feel, not the age you are. So, 21 again?

For your 50th, let’s do something you love that you’ve been doing for years… Like taking a nap!

At 50, you’re not old, you’re vintage. And everyone knows vintage wines taste better!

Happy 50th! Remember, you’re only as old as the woman you feel… Wait, that’s me!

Fifty candles on your cake? We might need a bigger cake or a fire extinguisher, just to be safe.

Welcome to the 50s, where every new song sounds like noise and every chair is a good chair.

On your 50th, let’s celebrate the golden era. I mean, not the era you were born in, but the golden years ahead!

How does it feel to have been alive for half a century and still not know where the Tupperware lids are?

Half a century and you’ve only lost half your hair! Things are looking up!

Happy 50th! I’ll always love you, even when you’re 50 shades of gray.

Congratulations on your 50th! Now, what were we celebrating again?

I tried to find you a card that said, “You’re only as old as you act,” but they were all sold out. Must be a lot of 50-year-olds out there!

You’re not 50. You’re 18 with 32 years of wisdom, charm, and… where did I put my glasses?

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Happy 50th! Let’s celebrate you reaching an age where socks and sandals together is the norm.

Half of our budget for celebrating your birthday went to buying candles. Try getting younger or stop getting more birthdays!

I’ve known you for so many years, and I must admit that you are much older today than you were when we first met. Happy 50th birthday, dear!

My love, you know what’s special about you? It’s your age! It just keeps growing! Just joking! Happy 50th birthday, love!

As your wife, I should support you in all good deeds! And today, I support you in finally revealing your real age! ???? Happy Birthday, dear hubby!

Funny 50th Birthday Wishes For Friend

Happy 50th Birthday, buddy! The more you age, the younger I feel to be around you! ????

Happy 50th! Here’s to celebrating the 20th anniversary of your 30th birthday. Math is fun, right?

Congratulations! You’ve been an amazing friend for half a century. How does it feel being a living relic?

Remember when we thought 50 was old? Look at us laughing in the face of our younger selves! Happy birthday!

50 years and still kicking! Albeit with a few more creaks and cracks. Cheers to you!

Hey buddy, don’t think of it as turning 50. Think of it as being 18 with 32 years of experience (and a few gray hairs).

Welcome to the age where you officially can’t trust your own farts. Cheers to the big 5-0!

Half a century old and you’ve still got it! And by “it”, I mean the ability to party like you’re 21 (with 2-day recovery time).

At 50, you’ve earned every wrinkle and gray hair. Wear them with pride… or just wear a hat. Happy birthday!

Age is just a number. In your case, it’s a very, very big number. Happy 50th!

On your 50th, let’s raise a toast to our youthful days. Oh wait, do you remember them?

Happy 50th! They say the first 50 years of childhood are the hardest. Here’s to adulting from now on!

If age is only in the mind, you’re forever young. If age is based on looks… let’s stick with the mind thing. Happy birthday!

50? You’re not old. You’re just vintage, and vintage things are priceless!

At 50, you’re the perfect blend of wisdom, experience, and… mischief! Cheers to another decade of adventures.

Remember when we said we’d grow old together? Well, you’re leading! Slow down! Happy 50th!

Cheers to you, buddy! You’ve been alive for half a century but your humor is timeless.

Happy 50th! You’re not getting older, you’re just increasing in value.

Another year, another wrinkle. But who’s counting? Oh right, we are. Happy half-century, my friend!

Remember, at 50, every time you bend down to tie your shoelaces, make sure you look around to see what else you can do while you’re down there.

They say good friends remember your birthday but not your age. But with you turning 50, it’s hard to forget!

Dear buddy, it’s time for you to find a wife for your son. So stop flirting with other women! Just kidding, buddy! Happy Birthday!

Funny 50th Birthday Wishes For Brother / Sister

50? I remember when you were just a little annoyance. Now you’re a big one! Happy birthday, sibling!

Half a century and you’re still the same old troublemaker I grew up with. Some things never change! Happy 50th!

Happy 50th! I was trying to think of a funny age joke, but then I remembered I’m not too far behind!

At 50, you’ve spent five decades perfecting being my annoyingly lovable sibling. Cheers to mastery!

We’ve shared memories, secrets, and years together. And now, we’re sharing the title of “old”. Happy 50th!

50 candles on your cake? Good thing we have the fire department on speed dial. Have a blazing birthday!

Remember when we used to think 50 was ancient? Look at you proving us wrong! Happy birthday, bro/sis!

Congrats on joining the half-century club! As your elder/younger sibling, I promise to guide/show you the way.

Welcome to 50, where everything’s made up, and the points (or hairs) don’t matter. Happy birthday!

Happy 50th! You’ve been my partner-in-crime for half a century. Here’s to more mischiefs in the years ahead!

50 years and you still can’t keep up with me! Cheers to always chasing after your cooler sibling!

At 50, the only thing getting lit on your birthday might be your reading light. Just kidding! Happy birthday!

They say age is just a number. But dang, 50 is a BIG number! Happy birthday to the best sibling a person could have.

Here’s to 50 years of you being the “other” favorite child! Wishing you the best on your milestone birthday.

Happy 50th! Remember when we used to fight over toys? Now we fight over the TV remote. Some things never change.

So, you’ve hit the big 5-0! Does this mean you’ll finally start acting your age? Doubtful. And that’s why I love you!

Congrats on 50 years of epic adventures, silly fights, and unforgettable memories. Here’s to the next chapter, old-timer!

Happy 50th to the sibling who’s been by my side, in my way, and on my nerves for half a century!

I always wanted to grow old with you. I just didn’t realize it would happen so soon! Happy 50th, bro/sis!

On your 50th, let’s toast to the years of laughter, pranks, and all the times you tried to steal my clothes. Best wishes, sibling!

Happy 50 years of weirdness, craziness, and hilarity, brother! I wish we live long enough to enjoy more years of beating up each other! ???? Happy 50th Birthday, bro!

Happy Birthday, brother! On your 50th birthday, I want to tell you a secret. Do you want to know what that is? If you want to, then you have to live another 50 years! ????

Funny 50th Birthday Sayings

You know you’re 50 when the only silver lining you can see is on your head. – Melanie White

For my 50th birthday, my husband and I spent a weekend in Rehoboth Beach. My first choice was in 1978, but the time machine was booked. – Jean Sorensen

I rented a bounce house for my adults-only 50th birthday and had a blast jumping in the stupid thing. I kept expecting the Age Police to show up and ticket me. – Janet Periat

Happy 50th – the years look good on you! But then, I don’t see as well as I used to. – Melanie White

At 50 years old, life seems shorter. No point in spending it trying to make yourself disappear by dieting.

As you get older three things to happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. – Sir Norman Wisdom

50 years old: In Led Zeppelin terms, that’s halfway up the stairway to heaven.

In your 20s: Looking for your perfect match. In your 50s: Just happy if your socks match. – East of Sweden

50 years old? Look on the bright side. The older you get, the more likely you are to outlive your child support payments. – Melanie White

When I turn 50, instead of lying about my age and putting it back 10 years, I’ll put it forward 10 years so I can freely talk about my bowel movements. – Thrill Tweeter

Now that I’m 50, my body pops and creaks so much, it sounds like the percussion section at the symphony. – Greg Tamblyn

Now that I’m 50, people try to be polite, and instead of calling me old, they say I’m mature. Obviously they don’t know me very well. – Melanie White